Bear and I made it back to Los Angeles with minimal fuss. Bear is very sad and depressed because he has finally admitted, to himself and to me, that he hates it out here in LA and that he really, really wants to move back home. Unfortunately for us, we don't have the money to move and not enough saved up for the apartment hunt/job hunt aspect of it. Also, I came out to LA to write and while I admit that I didn't do much of that for the first two years that I was out here, I have made considerable progress in the past two months towards accomplishing what I want to do.

Because of that, Bear says that we can't move back, because he never wants me to be able to say "what if we had waited just one more year?". I don't want that regret either and so we are sticking it out, here in sunny Southern California.

I am, however, a bit more driven. I have goal lists for both my writing career, for my health, for my home and for my relationships, with family, friends and my husband. I've made some great new friends out here who are helping to push me forward towards being the writer that I want to be and know that I can be, as well as getting me to actually produce pages and meet people who may want to buy said pages.

I feel like I'm in a completely different place than I was a year ago, starting a totally new job, getting rid of the old ones completely and working towards my ultimate career goal with a new fervor. I feel fresh, if that makes sense, and it's kind of odd that it happens to coincide with the new year.

Happy New Year, by the way!

I feel more like an adult. That's not a bad thing. In fact, that's something that I've sort of been waiting for, something that I expected to happen long before now but only recently has started to settle down on my shoulders. I still feel, the majority of the time, like some fresh faced kid just starting out at school and the fact that I look 18, instead of 27, doesn't help that at all, either but... I'm starting to feel like what I imagine adults feel like and I don't miss that school kid feeling, because it means that not only am I feeling more comfortable in my own skin but that I'm beginning to feel more comfortable in the world. Going out into it with a purpose instead of a constant question and that's important to me.

I was just back in the OH/MI area for two weeks and I took the opportunity to visit with my good friends and remind myself who I was and who I am becoming. I was able to look at friendships that may have had some weird shades over them, for various reasons, and I was able to remove some of those because I was able to get rid of shit that just doesn't matter. And thank God for that!

It was a great trip home and I am so glad that Bear and I made the decision to go. It prompted me to turn in my two weeks notice at Blockbuster and get a job that pays adult money with adult benefits. I was able to visit and re-connect with friends that I haven't seen in more than five years and with those that I saw only a few months ago. Let me just say that loving people is awesome and realizing that they love you back rocks even harder.

This was a great holiday season and I want to send my love and thanks to all of you.